The classic rags-to-riches story involving a slum boy, Akaash, and the daughter of a Bollywood film director, Priya, sounds promising but lacks passion, depth, and musical energy. When big city developers come to ruin Akaash's slummy neighborhood to construct a brand new cineplex theatre, he promises to become a big movie star and save the day. Through some unbelievable chain of events, Akaash meets a big Bollywood director and gets the leading role in his hit movie. In the process, he falls in love with Priya, even though he is dating his co-star, the Indian Pamela Anderson. Meanwhile Priya is also engaged to another man, who just happens to be the evil developer. In the end, Akaash miraculously defeats all the bad people and wins Priya's heart over. He becomes a famous actor, with loads of money and a group of slummy friends who love him for being such a great guy.

I have many issues with this production, the least of which is the cliché plot. Akaash and Priya's forbidden love is never given the due attention it deserves, so we are never really invested in the affair. The clear lines of the good slummy people versus evil corporate developers never mix, making this a very predictable, and yawn-infested event. Adding insult to injustice, half the ''romance'' songs are slow, kitsch, painful, a tad English-Rose-Garden, and suspiciously Jean Valjean-esque. And as much as I love flashbacks to the 80's, I can get that on VH1 any day of the week. To be fair, there are some fun, light-hearted moments. The great Bollywood song and dance numbers including ‘Shakalaka Baby’ and ‘Chaiyya Chaiyya’ dazzle with great beat, and fluid movement. In addition, the cast is incredibly good-looking, talented, and versatile. The customes are also very colorful, vibrant, and appropriate. Perhaps composer A R Rahman should have stayed closer to the traditional Indian tunes, using more Bhangra, more sitar, and classic Hindi songs to lure us in.

Unfortunately, the sparse Bollywood ingredients are too thin and too weak to hold up an entire musical that is clearly schizophrenic. The show struggles to find an identity between Webber's long line of West End hits and a great traditional Bollywood number transported onto a New York stage. The latter is what I had expected, and instead I got a mish mash that is neither Bollywood, nor Broadway. The one thing it can be characterized as is Boring, with a capital B. If anyone is listening, I would have liked to see more culture, more humor, more Indian songs, better dialogue, and a better story. Slapping a Sari on The Phantom, and adding a couple of B Flat's, just isn't fooling us anymore, Andrew.